October 2021 Newsletter
Hello, and an outstanding October to you!
I used to be .....
Welcome, or welcome back, to my newsletter.
Today's issue is about how our self-image can change (or not) over time.
Not too long ago, I had a conversation with a friend who has struggled for years with her overeating, seeing herself larger than she wants to be, even though to me she's not that big.
She now feels she has turned the corner, and is slowly losing weight. When we were talking, I was struck when she said, "in the
past, I used to get anxious and eat comfort foods". Wow, she's starting to see this as a former behavior that she's now moving away from,
not something she's dragging forward with her into the present. This is such a healthy attitude!
Many of us, myself included, can clearly identify an unhelpful behavior or pattern in ourselves. Then instead of looking forward optimistically to a
freer future while we work to change our habits, we look back to the past and how many times we think we did it "wrong"! I have wasted my precious
energy criticizing myself for taking on too much and working myself to a frazzle, rather than cheerleading myself about changing that dynamic, and seeing
If we think we're stuck, we can ignore signs that we're not because they contradict our belief. The trapped man in the picture reminds me of those fleas in the jar
with a lid, who stopped jumping to the top when they kept bumping their heads. Then when the lid was removed they never jumped out because they had
learned they couldn't. I've asked myself more than once if telling myself "I can't see that far" is still true for me now, or only a leftover belief
that was my reality a long time ago when I wore thick glasses and my vision was quite restricted.
A big part of vision improvement is being present to what is happening right now. Pick your limiting belief. Even if you were told "You're no good with money", maybe because of one
costly mistake, is that still true today? My guess is you learned from that mistake, possibly even taking a financial management course. If "I'm a great money manager" feels like too much of
a stretch, try "I'm learning to handle my finances in a more sensible way than I did in the past". This is not only true, but will feel a lot better than self-criticism.
My own "used to be" self-definition focused on my limitations, especially my high myopia, and being regularly overwhelmed by "a crowd" of more than 2 or 3 people. Although I was a top
student who learned quickly and thoroughly, I saw myself as socially inept, assuming no one wanted to interact with me. After practicing relaxation techniques,
self-healing, and vision improvement, this self-image has transformed. Now I think I'm friendly and mostly confident, which is how others see me too.
So are you too tied to what you couldn't do, or what you didn't have, a long time ago? Realistically, how valid is this belief in your present-day life? Could you manage to ease it forward
toward a more positive view of yourself, focusing on the good about your appearance or abilities or accomplishments? Be kind to yourself, please. You are doing better than you think, right now. When you shine out
your light to the world, sharing your optimism with others, it will come right back to you, lifting all our spirits.
For an article on how I used to measure my value by how well I could see (or not),
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You're helping many other people!
Enjoy the beginning of this oh-so-good month of October.
I'll write again in a few weeks. Take care!