January 2018 Newsletter

Hello, and a joyous January to you!
Welcome, or welcome back, to my newsletter. Today's issue has an article about self-criticism, and how it really doesn't help to move us forward. Enjoy!

Last month I participated in a coaching call with one of my expert teachers, where it seemed every one of us had a different flavor of self-criticism. For one it was that she had been letting an exercise program go by the wayside as it got darker in the early mornings. For me, I didn't feel that I was getting enough done, with all the pre-holiday interruptions and extra tasks. For another woman, she was feeling more pain than she thought she "should" days after a surgery.

Why are we so mean to ourselves? Do we really think this will motivate us to work harder and do more? Or is this just a bad habit, maybe picked up from teachers or coaches or parents or older siblings, who were impatient with us back then? You've heard the saying that you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar -- kind supportive words go a lot farther than pointing out what's wrong with someone. And I think that's doubly true for the words we speak to the most important person in our lives, our self.

Anyone who has raised children or been a teacher knows how sensitive little ones are to criticism, how it can crush the spirit. Tell a youngster often enough "You're so stupid!" and she will start to believe that, and stop trying to excel. Say "You're so smart (or clever, or bright)!" and the child will be delighted with himself just as you are, knowing he's a winner. If we know this about the way to interact with others, we ought to be applying this wisdom to ourselves too. Do you see yourself as a winner? Sure, you've had some defeats and disappointments, plans that didn't work out, and you've had some triumphs too. Why not reframe those "failures" as just learning what doesn't work? The only way not to fail is to do nothing at all.

In this time of New Year's resolutions, it's tempting to want to push ourselves to tackle that task we've been avoiding, whether it be to start (or re-start) an exercise program, or to clean up our diet, or to stop fighting with our kids or partner. How about resolving to be nicer to ourself, to catch that negative self-talk and change it to encouragement? Most of us really are doing the best we can at the moment, and often deserve praise for just getting through the day without screaming at someone or bursting into tears!

My own plan is to make 2018 the year I start acting to myself in a way I would to a close friend, kind and supportive, paying attention to what I truly need at the time, not to what I should be doing to meet some artificial super-human standard. One of the teachers I loosely follow said a few years ago that if we just did 75% of what we thought we should, that would be plenty! The over-achiever in me rebelled at this initially, then when I thought about it more, it made sense. Take it easy on yourself, and know you're probably doing more than enough. See that Greater You when you look in the mirror -- you're moving toward becoming that.

To read about my learning to let go of criticizing myself about my vision, click here.

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Please send me your questions and comments
Let me know what you've wondered about concerning energy medicine or vision or dreams. I'll be glad to write a short article addressing that topic. Thank you to those who have sent me questions, or see a question you asked me in a private session written about here. You're helping many other people! Enjoy the start of your January, and of 2018. I'll write again in a few weeks. Take care!